Jenifer: If Taylor Swift and Sloth Had a Baby

The offspring's not as cute as you'd hope.

So I'm watching Jenifer, and I just have to talk about it. I like Masters of Horror a lot. Take a good horror director, give them an hour or so to do what they may. Step back and watch the limbs fly.

First off, there's a cool moral to it. Y'know, the perfect woman (blonde, hot and a mute) turns out to be not so perfect. Second of all, it's fucking hilarious. The fact that in this world, apparently all women are blonde and all teenagers listen to death metal is inconsequential.

Now let's talk about Jenifer for a sec. In addition to an apparent unquenchable thirst for raw meat, she's got, in the words of Frank's son, 'a killer rack,' one that she shows the world without impunity. However, she's decided to attach herself to one Frank, an apparently rookie cop, despite his advanced years, given her would-be murderer's murder is the first time he's put lead to flesh. But no matter. Turns out, wifey (who some may recognize as Brenda Gutierrez from the great Slither) disapproves of the body-off-baywatch-face-off-crimewatch sleeping on her couch, a feeling apparently mutual, given the odd lesbian-kiss-turn-face-eating incident that ends surprisingly blandly. Now, wifey and son fly the coop, and Frank is left with his crazy-with-a-body. They have sex. A lot. Somehow a guy ends up in the fridge, and for some reason the happy couple end up living in a cabin in the woods. The series of events is not important. Or explained. What you need to know is this:

Dario Argento believes the following are always true:

1) Always judge a book by its cover. If it's snarling like a beast and crazy eyed like a beast, it's probably Jenifer, and she's probably just eaten your cat.
2) Parents never notice when their children go missing, and the authorities never notice peoples' mangled corpses getting buried in the suburbs. Ever.
3) Men, apparently, can go from zero to crazy in about three days.

Thank you, Dario Argento, for showing me the light.

Also, props to the unintentional Rain Man impression by Frank's partner (if Rain Man was played by Joe Pesci) who literally shows up in two scenes before totally disappearing. Apparently, when your partner goes missing after shacking up with a near-murder victim, it's really not worth looking into, particularly if you're a cop.



Until I have enough cash to see a show,
Stay dee-lish.
--WF
Gross, hilarious, ridiculous.

[PS This whole thing is really in honor of The Horror Digest, a blog I have been reading far too much as of late.]

[It's awesome].

The Doubble Donkey Drummer

This is a weird thing I didn't think I would have to investigate at all. But, apparently, I do.
Two guitarists, I get. One rhythm and one lead, or maybe two lead for intricate work, or maybe two rhythm for really chunky basswork. Two lead singers can go anywhere from cute husband and wife duos like Arcade Fire or Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros to the damn Beatles. But two drummers. What the hell? Is your one drummer too damn lazy to hit the damn drums? It's like the anti-Busted; rather than too few drummers, it's too many.

Let's look at this for a second.
The Ruby Suns:


The Dodos:












The Friendly Fires:


Bear Hands:













White Rabbits:


I mean, I guess I get it. The double drummers in questions split into two sub categories; Ruby Suns, Friendly Fires and Dodos are of the semi-Afro pop variety, and White Rabbits and Bear Hands are of the ragey-thumpy-poundy variety. For the Afropops, where once upon a time a circle of drummers would've taken the spot, it's been reduced to just a couple kids with a bunch of drums (or, in the case of the Ruby Suns, three kids with a crap ton of drums). So I guess I can justify that.

Now, as for the ragey-thumpy-poundy types...I guess I'm less rational. I like White Rabbits very, very much, partially because I'm in love with their photographer, Andrew Droz Palermo, and the work he does is just bloody gorgeous, let's face it. I mean, the drum work isn't particularly intricate, it's just very, very loud. One drummer could potentially do the work of these two, it's just that the thump bang is a little more rewarding. I guess.

That doesn't feel like a very good resolution of the double drummer dilemma, but I don't really know where I'd want that to end up. Really, in conclusion, I think it's silly. This was a terrible article. I'm sorry.

Until I learn how to write,
Stay delectable,
-WF
I'm So Sorry